Listen / Read
I’m really struggling to argue with the Lord Bishop today. The fact is that all atheists are drunk, promiscuous, STD riddled paragons of perversity.
We just don’t do committed relationships or kids. We stay footloose and fancy-free so we can molest as many children as we like without the other half nagging on at us about not spending enough ‘quality time’ with them. Only Christians could possibly buy into all that crap, and I certainly couldn’t do a Kaká instead of getting my fuck on. I mean, what a boner stinker!
If you want to know how we like to roll, you only have to look at our role model, Dick Pimpkins:
Now he knows how to live it up! He doesn’t discriminate either; he’s half cradle-snatcher, half granny-snatcher, and look at the smile on his face! I think all Christians could all learn a thing or two from our godless fanny rat extraordinaire.
Not like boring old Kaká:
Jeez, that guy is so straight-laced, I think he personally starches them. What a loser.
Snarking aside for a moment, I try to take a realistic view on Obama’s religion. Atheists aren’t for the most part going to convince those already deeply committed to religious belief to set it aside and with it any prejudices and bigotry that might go along.
We can try to curtail the exposure to religion children receive, by abolishing faith schools and (though it’s difficult to foresee this one happening any time soon, if ever) establishing age requirements on church attendance so that only adults (apparently mature enough to dedicate their lives to an utterly preposterous view of the world) can attend religious worship and church organised activities. And we can of course resist other attempts made by religious organisations to impose their world view and accompanying attitudes on the rest of us (in abortion legislation, for example).
But it’s religious folk like Obama, who reject the prejudices and bigotry other believers insist on as being central to their faith, who are going to have to convince their douchebag friends to stop being such total fuckwads. As it were.
Attempts to do so have split the Anglican Communion, so we can’t underestimate just how hard a task that is, or just how much a bunch of douchebag fuckwads they really are. But only progressive Christians (and less pussy-ass legislation that allows bigots to get out of doing their fucking jobs because of religious reasons, the cunts) are going to have any long-term chance of changing the repugnant attitudes of their conservative counterparts.
So with that said, I’ll leave you with Jon Stewart interviewing Gene Robinson. I would love to have seen Rick Warren’s face after Robinson told him he was ‘praying for him’. If I was there, I believe my words would have been: “OOOH SNAP! Now you know how it feels, bitch!” And then I’d high-five Robinson and say “I still think you’re basically a bit mental, but if you fancy a latte it’s totally on me.” But he’d probably be busy, being a celebrity bishop and all, and I’d be like “alright, that’s cool, not a problem. I have some stuff I should be doing anyway. Another time maybe,” even though I’d know there’s not going to be another time because it’s a hypothetical and slightly surreal situation taking place entirely in my head.
Anyway, here’s the clip, copyright be damned: