I would rather enjoy heavy snowfall if it weren’t for the inundation of people talking about heavy snowfall. That one of our readers would speak at length and in depth about the snow was inevitable. We can only hope it is just one of them.
So what’s to say? It was all about the weather we’re having. What the very Venerable Bede said about British weather, how many times the Bible mentions snow and of course what some poet bloke said about snow. And I’ve got fuck all to say about some vicar speaking about how fucking white and even the fucking snow is for three fucking minutes (I even read that poem for inspiration; it’s shit). What are we? Five years old? For fuck’s sake. If radio were interactive he’d have us cutting out paper snowflakes and then mounting them on sugar paper.
He concludes by talking about “snow’s greatest achievement”. Achievement? Snow isn’t a fucking mountaineer, it’s fucking snow. It hasn’t cured cancer, it’s fucking snow. It hasn’t won five Grand Slams, it’s fucking snow. And what is fucking snow’s greatest achievement? It “makes unevenness even”? No it doesn’t. To make unevenness even it’d have to be deeper than the tallest buildings are high. It just softens the edges. Snow is nothing more than meteorological airbrushing. Snow is David Cameron’s otherworldly smooth ad campaign face stretched over the landscape of the entire realm. Only snow has the decency to melt away before it totally fucks everything up.